There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
