well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
