I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
