i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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