This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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