just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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