My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
