so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
