i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Watching her eat just hurts me
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
