Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
