Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
