Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize