I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
