Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
