Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
