There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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