arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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