Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
