he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
When did angry sex become our thing?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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