I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
