Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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