I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
bring money and cleavage
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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