my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
worst night to have a conscience
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
