You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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