im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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