Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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