I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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