Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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