just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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