thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
