Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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