just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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