Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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