He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize