At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
