I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize