All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
