At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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