I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
