I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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