well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize