he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
