We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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