Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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