can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
