the condom got lost in my hair
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
