I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize