It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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