Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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