He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
