if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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