An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
