So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
