We're like a lot better than the average bears
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
