Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
