That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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