Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
