so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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