Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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